(no subject)

[enochiansigils]

I took my lithium today after not having it for four days due to an inability to FIND the damn prescription in order to get it filled. Hopefully I'll get back to mentally and emotionally balanced soon, because I'm really not enjoying this whole depression spiral I've got going on.

I need to write. I have a bigbang fic due the 13th of next month and just, um... I'm at 8.2k out of a minimum 10k. This should not be as hard as my brain is making it. Because I've done 7k in one day before, so in theory 1.8k over the course of days shouldn't be that difficult.

"In theory" being the key phrase.

In actuality, my brain is just locking up.

But I still have basically two weeks -- I have to pretty much finish the thing a few days early due to vacation -- so I'm not actually panicking about that. Yet. (Just flailing, lol.) Because we all know I will sooner or later.

Speaking of writing! I kind of want to do a big prompt table of some kind, like both Mylia and Pesha are doing. Except I know that I will fail miserably at it, like I do every time I try a prompt table. This does not, however, keep me from wanting to try again.

In other news... vacation! I'm going out to Maryland again to visit shadowcat, which is going to be fun. It's also going to be Tattoos For Everyone, because there's going to be five of us -- the two of us, her daughter, and two other friends -- getting tattoos. Kind of nervous, since it's my first one and I don't do well with needles or pain. But it's a pretty simple design, so I should be okay.

Comments

[shadowcat]

DO IT!

You don't even have to do all 300 prompts like I'm doing. The tables on mine are separated out in the coding.

[enochiansigils]

Thing is, I always fail at prompt tables, no matter how big they are and quite frankly I'm tired of failing at doing them.

[shadowcat]

Quite frankly, you only fail if you don't try. *BIG GRIN*

[enochiansigils]

Quite frankly, pbbbbbt.

[shadowcat]

Quite frankly, right back atcha! :P

[pesha]

I'm saying meds are a good thing. Prompt tables are fun for me. I have finished them. I have failed to complete them. As long as I'm having fun? I don't care. I try. Kink Bingo constantly and always fail at it. I still try. It's about the writing not filling of the table as far as I'm concerned.

I'm totes jealous you're all doing tattoos. I can't though I wish I could.

[enochiansigils]

Meds are a godsend. Which reminds me, I need to go take mine.

I just have this tendency to get really down on myself if I can't finish it. It's nothing new, I've always been like that. It's ridiculous and annoying and I hate it, but at the same time I don't know how to stop it. But you're right that it's about the writing and not the filling, I'm just... ridiculously prone to equating failing at writing with failing as a person. Or failing at a project meaning I fail as a writer. Which kind of terrifies me because all my life, writing has been the biggest thing. (And when I'm logical and properly medicated, I KNOW it's a silly thing, but knowing it's silly doesn't make it any easier to stop it.)

Oh? Why can't you? If you don't mind my asking.

[pesha]

I have Von Willebrand Disease Type 2B. It's hereditary, an autoimmune disease, and causes my platelets not to form clots. Tattoos break the skin causing minimal bleeding in normal people. With Von Willebrand's, I would bleed incessantly, flushing the ink, risking infection, and potentially death since I also have a decreased immune system as a result of it.

[enochiansigils]

Oh, yikes. That sounds like it's more than a handful to deal with.

[pesha]

Eventually I'll die from complications of it unless something else gets me first. I don't really mind it for the most part. It's something I've adapted to as it's been my entire life. Blood means more to someone whose body can't produce enough of it. I think that's why I'm drawn to dark writing, dark constructs, and characters with strange limitations that they strive to rise above. My sister has it. My great-grandmother died from it and so did three of her sisters. I've had five cousins die from it. It's just a part of life for me. People can adapt to anything if it's presented as their reality.

[enochiansigils]

Well, that just makes me think even more that you're an amazing person that I'm very happy to know.

[pesha]

Thank you, lady. I don't know that I'm anything special. I just happen to have a very clear view of my reality.